So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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