your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
