so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
