She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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