I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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