my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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