don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
