I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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