last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
