a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
