i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
