when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
