My cat gives me a boner
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
