here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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