Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
