WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
