You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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