I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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