I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
