he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
