being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
