we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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