guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
