so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
