Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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