You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
