you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
