Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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