walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
