And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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