i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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