a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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