we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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