I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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