My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
