Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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