when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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