I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize