You're so nebulous sometimes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
