You're so nebulous sometimes
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
