o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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