drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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