So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
