Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
