Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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