take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
