if i can run in heels then i can drive
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
