Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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