I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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