You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize