She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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