Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
