I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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