Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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