you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
