How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize