He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
