I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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