I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
