i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
