I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
