apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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