even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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