at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my being single is dangerous.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
