There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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