Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
