I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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