pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
