high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
